


operation C.U.D.D.L.E.S

by bisexualtelepath



Series: Irregularity: A D&D Group Chat AU [7]
Category: Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game), Original Work, The Irregulars - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Orias is a dad, and we love our dad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-30
Updated: 2018-09-30
Packaged: 2019-07-20 11:45:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16136567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bisexualtelepath/pseuds/bisexualtelepath
Summary: Easy Bree-zy added Johny Johny, Bongo Bastard, Ranger Danger, and G0neR0gue to the group chat.Easy Bree-zy renamed the group to OPERATION C.U.D.D.L.E.S.G0neR0gue: What.Ranger Danger: ???Bongo Bastard: IT’S TIMEJohny Johny: To be honest? Didn’t think you were seriousEasy Bree-zy: FOR OPERATION “Care Unconditionally; Dad Directed Love Elevates Self-esteem”G0neR0gue: W h a t.





	operation C.U.D.D.L.E.S

[Saturday October 6, 2018 9:31 AM]

 **Easy Bree-zy** _added_ **Johny Johny, Bongo Bastard, Ranger Danger,** _and_ **G0neR0gue** _to the group chat._

 **Easy Bree-zy** _renamed the group to_ **OPERATION C.U.D.D.L.E.S.**

 **G0neR0gue:** What.

 **Ranger Danger:**???

 **Bongo Bastard:** IT’S TIME

 **Johny Johny:** To be honest? Didn’t think you were serious

 **Easy Bree-zy:** FOR OPERATION “Care Unconditionally; Dad Directed Love Elevates Self-esteem”

 **G0neR0gue:** W h a t.

 **Ranger Danger:** That sounds like an Onion headline

 **Johny Johny:** Orias made a few too many sads yesterday so Laz and Bree are uh

 **Johny Johny:** Taking action? I guess?

 **Bongo Bastard:** You guess WRONG

 **Easy Bree-zy:** WE’RE A L L taking action

 **Bongo Bastard:** We’re gonna love Dad SO HARD TODAY

 **Ranger Danger:** Is he gonna go for this?

 **Bongo Bastard:** We’re not gonna tell him

 **Easy Bree-zy:** he isn’t here is he

 **G0neR0gue:** Why am I here

 **Bongo Bastard:** BECAUSE YOU LOVE OUR DAD

 **Easy Bree-zy:** I fuckin dare you to leave

 **G0neR0gue:** Gross

 **Ranger Danger:** Yeah okay I’m here for it but like what are we actually doing

 

**...**

 

 **Easy Bree-zy: @Papa** can I braid your hair? it’s been forever since I’ve braided your hair!

 **Papa:** I mean, sure? I’m doing some reading for history but I can multitask

 **Easy Bree-zy:** when’s it due

 **Papa:**... Wednesday

 **Easy Bree-zy:** yeah no

 **Bongo Bastard:** Join our self care day!

 **Papa:** I don’t know what that means

 **Bongo Bastards:** We’re gonna do face masks and relax!

 **Papa:** Wait do you have the lavender one?

 **Bongo Bastard:** You be your bottom dollar we do

 **Papa:** Yeah okay.

 **Papa:** Give me 15 minutes

 

**...**

 

 **Bongo Bastard:** That’s how it’s done my dudes

 **G0neR0gue:** Just to be clear, we are tricking our dad into receiving affection

 **Easy Bree-zy:** yes

 **Ranger Danger:** I think this is the best idea you two have ever had

 **Johny Johny:** Why don’t we just… tell him we love him?

 **Johny Johny:** Hello?

 

**...**

 

 **Ranger Danger:** Hey dad we love you you’re doing great

 **Papa:**???

 **Papa:** Okay???

 **Papa:** What did you do?????

 **G0neR0gue:** Dont worry about it

 **Papa:** UM???

 

**...**

 

 **Johny Johny:** Yeah alright I see your point

 **Bongo Bastard:** This ain’t our first rodeo, kid

[10:26 AM]

 **Bongo Bastard: @Ranger Danger @G0neR0gue** Bree wants to know if you could make cookies if I sent you the recipe

 **Ranger Danger:** Probably? What kind?

**Bongo Bastard:**

[ https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/260758/spicy-mexican-hot-chocolate-cookies/ ](https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/260758/spicy-mexican-hot-chocolate-cookies/)

**Ranger Danger:** What the FUCK

 **G0neR0gue:** Oh HELLS yeah

 **Bongo Bastard:** They’re! his favorite!!

 **Ranger Danger:** PEPPERS DON’T BELONG IN COOKIES

 **Bongo Bastard:** STOP YELLING AT ME

 **G0neR0gue:** Its fine I love spicy cookies

 **Johny Johny:** Are we supposed to be surprised

 **Ranger Danger:** Why doesn’t Bree do it?

 **Johny Johny:** She’s braiding Orias’s hair and maybe giving him a scalp massage I thing? It’s hard to tell

 **Johny Johny:** Also I can help with cookies!

 **Bongo Bastard:** No!

 **Ranger Danger:** Absolutely not.

 **G0neR0gue:** LOL

 **Johny Johny:** Okay I’m not THAT bad

 **Ranger Danger:** You burned pasta

 **Johny Johny:** IT WAS AN OLD POT

 **G0neR0gue:** The answer stands I think

 **G0neR0gue:** Althaea and I got it

 **Bongo Bastard:** Lit

...

[10:50 AM]

 **Ranger Danger:** Don’t freak out but where’s the fire extinguisher?

 **Easy Bree-zy:**...under the sink

 **Ranger Danger:** Thanks

 **Papa:** What is HAPPENING

 **Ranger Danger:** oh shit

 **Ranger Danger:** it’s uhhhhh nothing

 **G0neR0gue:** I sneezed

 **Easy Bree-zy:** don’t you dare fucking move let Laz finish your toes

 **Papa:** I’m trapped but please don’t set the house on fire

 **Johny Johny** _sent an image to_ **The Irregulars™**

 **Ranger Danger:** Looking good Orias!

 **Papa:** Haha, thanks.

 

**...**

 

 **Easy Bree-zy:** we’ve gotta step up our game

 **Ranger Danger:** Sorry about yknow… mixing up the chats and almost blowing this whole thing

 **Johny Johny:** Do we even wanna know what happened?

 **G0neR0gue:** Probably not

 **Ranger Danger:** the recipe was a little too close to the stove

 **Easy Bree-zy:** why was the stove even o n

 **Easy Bree-zy:** for c o o k i e s

 **Ranger Danger:** Suspense

 **Easy Bree-zy:** oh my gods

[11:03 AM]

 **G0neR0gue:** So

 **G0neR0gue:** The cayenne pepper cap was loose

 **Johny Johny:** OH GOD

 **Easy Bree-zy:** AKSDLHSAFU

 **Ranger Danger:** We added like triple of everythign else! It’s fine!

 **G0neR0gue:** But we ran out of sugar so like

 **G0neR0gue:** We’ll see I suppose

 **Bongo Bastard:** He doesn’t like sweets that much it’s fine!!!!

 **Johny Johny:** Who doesn’t like sweets?

 **Bongo Bastard:** Say one bad thing about Orias

 **Bongo Bastard:** I dare you

 **Bongo Bastard:** I will fight you so hard

 

**...**

 

[12:00 PM]

 **Easy Bree-zy:** EVERYONE IN THE LIVING ROOM IT’S MOVIE TIME

 **Papa:** What do movies have to do with self care?

 **Bongo Bastard:** What’s your favorite animated movie??

 **Papa:** Brother Bear?

 **Papa:** Or Hercules; I like the music

 **Easy Bree-zy:** and how ddo they make you f e e l

 **Papa:** Oh okay

 **Ranger Danger:** Damn I could go for some Hercules right now

 **Johny Johny:** BLESS MAH SOUL

 **Bongo Bastard** _sent an_ [ _image_ ](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DdQEgBqXkAASlhe.jpg) _to_ **The Irregulars™**

 **G0neR0gue:** Fuck you

 **Bongo Bastard:** :(((

 **G0neR0gue:** But I am down for Hercules

 **Bongo Bastard:** :)))))

 

**...**

 

 **Ranger Danger:** How do we explain the cookies?

 **Bongo Bastard:** UM

**Bongo Bastard: @Easy Bree-zy**

**Easy Bree-zy:**...huh

 **Easy Bree-zy:** that’s a great question

 

**...**

 

 **G0neR0gue:** Yo I made cookies because we have nothing good in this entire fucking house

 **Johny Johny:** Wow! Thanks Kenna!

 **Johny Johny:**...A lot of cookies!

 **G0neR0gue:** I was hungry

 **Papa:** Are those… hot chocolate cookies?

 **G0neR0gue:** They were in Bree’s recipe folder

 **Easy Bree-zy:** you used the recipe folder!!! I’m so proud

 **Ranger Danger:** Smells… spicy

 **Bongo Bastard:** COOKIES

 **Papa:**...Is something happening? Because all of a sudden I am suspicious

 **Johny Johny:** Have a cookie!

 **Easy Bree-zy:** OKAY EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP THE MOVIE IS STARTING

[1:37 PM]

 **Papa:** Are… all of you sleeping?

 **Johny Johny:** I’ve been assured that naps are an essential part of self care

 **Papa:** Bree and Althaea are on top of me

 **Papa:** I cannot move

 **Johny Johny:** Then nap! We’ll be here when you wake up!

 **Bongo Bastard:** Listen I love you guys but please shut up thank you namaste

 **Papa:** Yeah okay

 **Papa:** Love you too

 

**...**

 

[2:14 PM]

 **Bongo Bastard:**!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **Easy Bree-zy:** good fucking work team

 **Easy Bree-zy:** this is not the first or last time we will implement Operation C.U.D.D.L.E.S.

 **Easy Bree-zy:** but a damn good job was done by all

 **G0neR0gue:** That was a good nap

 **Johny Johny:** I can’t feel my mouth but twas worth it

 **Ranger Danger:** Okay they weren’t THAT hot

 **Bongo Bastard:** And he liked them!!

 **Johny Johny:** We did a good

 **Ranger Danger:** Time to go back to loving our group dad a socially acceptable and sustainable amount

 **Easy Bree-zy:** for now

 **G0neR0gue:** I’m going back to sleep

 **Bongo Bastard:** We love you too


End file.
